Masterful Drama Six-Pack of Thoughts

The 75th Masters had so much drama, it should’ve aired on TNT.  There was a Tiger, an Angel and a guy named Rory.  Eight players from six countries across four continents had at least a share of the lead on the back nine.  In the end, a guy with five names, Charl Adriaan James Lindsay Schwartzel, made four birdies in a row to finish number one.   

  1. The birdies went down and sent the Aussies under.  Schwartzel’s birdie, birdie, birdie, birdie finish made him the first Masters champion to ever perform such a feat.  It also spoiled Adam Scott and Jason Day’s chances to become the first Australian to ever win the event.  Of course, that wouldn’t be an issue if Greg Norman hadn’t collapsed so hideously in 1996.  Speaking of which… 
  2. Rory McIlroy meet Greg Norman.  Not since the Shark blew that six-shot advantage had a player coughed up such a huge final round lead.  But Norman started his choke on the 1st hole.  McIlroy held it together until the 10th, when he started hitting trees and missing putts and didn’t stop until he had shot 80.  I don’t know what McIlroy dreamed about Saturday night but his final round was a nightmare.        
  3. Darn those extra holes.  Tiger Woods birdied the 2nd, 3rd, 6th and 7th holes and tied for the lead with an eagle on the 8th.  Unfortunately, he still had 10 holes to play.  He missed a short putt for par on the 12th, missed the green and then butchered his chip on the 13th and gacked a short eagle putt on the 15th, squandering his chance for one of the greatest comebacks ever.           
  4. Don’t blame this on the old boys club.  A female reporter, Tara Sullivan of The Bergen Record (NJ), was denied access to the locker room to hear what McIlroy had to say about his round.  Turns out it was a female security officer that didn’t know the rules and wouldn’t let her in.  According to Sullivan, LA Times columnist Bill Plaschke immediately pulled her aside and provided her with quotes for her story and later Augusta National’s security director apologized to her personally!       
  5. Doesn’t anybody want to make the playoffs?  On Saturday night, Carolina had a chance to make the Eastern Conference playoffs by winning at home.  The Hurricanes lost, 6-2.  On Sunday afternoon, Chicago had the same opportunity in the Western Conference.  The Blackhawks lost, 4-3.  That opened the door for Dallas on Sunday night.  The Stars lost, 5-3, completing the hat trick of ineptitude.
  6. A real reason to be on your phone.  It’s only every day that we are annoyed by people checking out their phones instead of checking out the game.  But now in Seattle, there’s reason to be on your phone at the park.  A Mariners beer vendor, Kevin Zelko, is taking orders via his twitter account, @Msbeervendor.  In the week since CNBC’s Darren Rovell reported this, Zelko has added over 1,000 followers, which means fans will now have to wait in virtual line for their beer.

THERE IT IS!

-Jake Stevens

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