A ‘Say Anything’ Six-Pack of Thoughts

by Jake Stevens


When I was growing up, my father always told me to put my brain in gear before my mouth went in motion.
I can’t say I always followed this good advice and sometimes my willingness to speak before thinking caused me some problems. But I never did any major damage, unless you count getting myself grounded.

Of course, I was just a boy and didn’t have the media hanging on my every word. In today’s world, especially sports, there are cameras capturing everything athletes, coaches and owners say and do. They would be wise to follow my father’s advice, but apparently like me, they just can’t help themselves. Here is the latest group of people who need to button their lips:

1) Fred Wilpon – The owner of the Mets decided the best way to rally support for his public relations battle in the Bernie Madoff scandal was to throw his own players under the bus. In an article in New Yorker magazine, he said Jose Reyes wasn’t worth a big money contract and face-of-the-franchise David Wright isn’t a superstar. He fired away at the man in the mirror as well, calling himself a schmuck for giving Carlos Beltran a monster contract after the 2004 postseason. Sounds like he summed himself up perfectly with that last one.
2) Joakim Noah – Just a few weeks after Kobe Bryant was fined $100,000 for directing an anti-gay slur at an official, Noah decided he would try the same trick with a fan. Needless to say, the NBA wasn’t too happy about it and lightened his wallet by $50,000. Noah promised to learn from his mistakes, it’s just a shame he didn’t learn from Kobe. Or maybe he did.
3) Carlos Boozer – Things probably aren’t going well in your playoff series when two of your players make this list. In Boozer’s case, he decided to fire up Chris Bosh by saying the Heat only have two great players. If Boozer keeps allowing Bosh to go off for 34 points, he’ll only have to worry about antagonizing his playing partners on the golf course.
4) Ray Lewis – According to Lewis, the NFL lockout is going to become a huge societal problem. The Ravens linebacker is adamant if there isn’t a season, the crime rate will go up, because people won’t have anything to do without football. I guess he should know, considering his role in a post-Super Bowl party in 2000, from which his bloodstained suit has never been found.
5) Charles Barkley – He antagonized the Miami Heat fan base when he called the team out for whining about media coverage. In response during a postgame show after the Heat beat the Bulls, some idiotic fans threw towels at Barkley. Barkley then threatened them, saying, “Don’t make me come over there now. Because if I come over there there’s going to be hell to pay.” What will be paid is huge money out of his pocket if he does anything besides bark at them.
6) Cam Newton – I’m not sure if he actually likes the music, but Newton did enjoy getting his Bieber on recently during a trading card shoot. Baby, baby, baby, oh.

THERE IT IS !

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